The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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