Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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