you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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