Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
