She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
