So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
