Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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