Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
