listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
