Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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