So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
