I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
