In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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