I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
