there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
