i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
