I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
