so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
