I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
