He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I looked at my own cervix.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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