Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
