Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
