Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
