Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
