I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
