Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize