Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
