You're my little dorito
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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