sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
