Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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