I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
