at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
