i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
