God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
