# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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