I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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