Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
