she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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