So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
