They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
