I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
