dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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