I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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