So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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