i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
