Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
