So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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