I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
