my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
