I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
