After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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