yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
